Tempest In The Hood

In lue of falling of the face of the earth for a month or six, I have decided to write another blog and then pretend this all never happened, after all denial and repression are what I do best. My friend Dan (the one who I like but shouldn't so i shouldn't even have feelings for him) is having issues and as his big sister (he picked it) apparently it's my job to fix all his relationship issues. Since I am an only child I really don't mind because he's like the little brother I never had, we argue just like sibilings. Anyway to get to the point (I've noticed I tend to ramble in blogs).

He was discussing about whether it was weird for a 17 year old to like a 15 year old and he made a comment about how he doesn't really trust my judgement because of my track record. That's really what I need right now, my brother/crush pointing out one of my failed and most painful relationships. When I was 14 I was dating a 20 year old, or he could have been 21 I really don't remember. His name was Justice and he lived in Ohio. He was friends with my best friend Adriana and we had hit it of one time when I was at her house and we were IMing. Justice had to be like the perfect boyfriend (aside from the whole not seeing him bit) he was sweet and funny and romantic and strong and handsome as anything (his eyes were like sea foam green and I have such a bad thing for eyes.) I think that was probably the first time I was in love.

He was great to me, writing me little love notes and poems (he was an english major in college so his writing was amazing) he was also a martial arts master (once taking on 18 marines single handedly). He was always a gentleman and never rude or inconsiderate and, as I said before, I loved him. I don't even remember how it happened now, looking back on it. I think it was Adriana that found out that the Justice we knew was not the Justice she knew, and my Justice ended up being a lair and theif and a poser. When confronted about it, he got all angry and defensive. A few days later he broke up with me, telling me he would always love me and that this was for the best. I was angry and confused and heartbroken. I stopped talking to him all together.

A few weeks later his brother Jamaal contacted me, Justice had gotten very depressed and tried to commit suicide. I was stuck in a whirlwind of emotions, what was I suppose to do, forget he was a lying asshole that I actually knew nothing about and go rushing to his side? Ignore the fact that I wanted to be there comforting him? I was 14 for crying out loud I didn't want to deal with that kind of stuff.

Long story short, Justice was fine, he continues to try to talk to me to this day, but he's fine. I ignore him and whatever feelings I may have because looking back on it, what kind of creep wants to date a 14 year old? But it still hurts, remembering it, my first heartbreak and all that. Not something I really needed flashbacks of this week. It's reallying pushing me over the edge in my no relationship is worth the trouble mentality.

I think we should make an offical emo week on the calender where everyones allowed to mope and be depressed and just sulk with no repercussions. I wonder how many signatures I would need to get a national holiday?

P.S. tomorrow's blog (there maybe more then one at this rate but at least one of them) will be about Dan (or dandan as I call him) because he asked me to write one about him. What fun that will be writing a blog about the boy I like to show him.....I have to remember not to write anything to embarassinf or stupid so he won't realize what i'm saying.